Are You Okay? 4 Ways to Answer That Question for Yourself
Four ways to answer the question: “Are you okay?"
This phrase stands out in the subject line of so many emails that we receive, it is tentatively uttered in our support groups, and it is whispered by women who call our Warmline. It is the unspoken question so many mothers* walk around wondering, not knowing how to ask, not knowing how to know.
The first weeks and months of parenthood can be bathed in the haze of sleeplessness, unfamiliar new patterns, and disorienting shifts in identity and relationships. And for those dealing with a potential postpartum mental health issue, the haze can feel more like a thick fog, hiding all markers of the life that came before. It is in this fog that mothers* often find themselves asking the question how do I even know if I am okay?
So how do you know if something isn’t right when practically everything is different, when the usual benchmarks for how you are feeling have been turned on their head? It can be so hard to know and practically impossible to muster the energy to find resources to help.
Luckily, there are resources to help you figure out if you may be experiencing a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMADs) and to help direct you to help and support.
The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale is an internationally recognized tool that be used to help identify a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder. It consists of a 10 question, self-report questionnaire that a mother* completes on her own and then scores themselves or in collaboration with a professional. Based on the results, a mother* can then reach out to a primary care doctor, midwife, or other support to take the next steps towards treatment.
Knowing the symptoms of PMADs is important so that you and/or a partner or other support person can better understand what might be going on. Postpartum Support International is a non-profit organization dedicated to perinatal mental health and has a wealth of information and resources available on its website.
Afloat’s helpline is an English language resource available to those in Germany who may be struggling in the perinatal period. The warmline is a place to get information, talk about how you are feeling, and get directed towards local resources. You don’t need to know if you or someone you care about are dealing with PMADs to reach out, in fact most people don’t.
Finally, if you feel like something isn’t right, is off, or you just wish you felt better, your feelings and perception of how you are doing is worth listening to. You don’t need to have a diagnosis of postpartum depression or anxiety to reach out for help or to get support. Everyone deserves to feel good and to be supported as they enter and make their way through parenthood.
After a baby is born it can feel like there is hardly time to try to figure out how you are feeling. But it is also a time in which that tried and true (and painfully cliché!) airplane oxygen mask metaphor is so very applicable. Taking some of the steps above to assess and take care of yourself is important because you deserve to feel stable and healthy and because it allows you to be there for others.
For more resources and information, be sure to check out our Guide to Mom*’s Mental Health.