How to Talk About Mater*nal Mental Health

We have long known—both from personal experiences and from available research—that mental health issues are the most common complication of childbearing. Yet, those who are pregnant are more likely to hear about things like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and blood loss in birth when going for prenatal or postpartum visits with their doctors. When talking with friends, we are more likely to ask about infant sleep or breastfeeding than about mood or the thoughts that are coming up during those middle of the night feeds. Checking in about mental health just isn’t a standard practice here in Germany or in other parts of the world. So why are we so bad at attending to mater*nal mental health when we know how common PMADs are?

The truth is that we don’t always know how. We lack the vocabulary and, because we don’t want to get it wrong, more often than not we don’t say anything at all. Doctors worry that if they talk about PMADs during prenatal appointments that patients will be scared and intimidated. Friends worry that if they ask about a new parent’s mood they are sending the message that they think something is wrong or that a friend isn’t doing a good job.

But not talking about it just means that new parents lack the information and resources to address a mental health issue should it come up and feel a lot of shame and guilt when they are suffering. So it is high time that we get familiar with how to talk about mater*nal mental health for ourselves, our friends, our family members, and for our kids.

So, thanks to the vast knowledge and experience of mental health professionals in the field (led by the incredible leadership of Postpartum Support International!) here are a few tips to get us started:

Normalize the transition to parenthood.
How are you doing emotionally?
This transition is difficult for all parents, how is it going for you?
Everyone needs support postpartum. Do you have enough positive support?

Adjusting to parenthood is a big, scary, and often overwhelming experience and anyone who has been through it knows that it doesn’t happen overnight and requires a lot of support. So, instead of pretending that the transition is smooth and natural, let’s normalize that there can be bumps and that it can bring up a whole range of feelings. When checking in with a new parent, ask (without prying) how they are doing emotionally and what their support network looks like. New parents need a supportive, listening ear and they need to be given the cue that is it okay to open up about how they are feeling.

Provide accurate information about PMADs.
Symptoms of PMADs are temporary and treatable.
You don’t need a diagnosis to reach out.
You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help you will be well. (Postpartum Support International’s motto!)

With little communication or discussion about PMADs, it’s no wonder that there is a lot of inaccurate information floating around out there. Combatting this misinformation with clear and accurate messages goes a long way in helping those who are dealing with PMADs get the help that they need. Many people who experience PMADs have little hope that they will feel better quickly or believe that there are treatment options that will make a difference. Sharing the information that PMADs, with help, are treatable and that relief from symptoms is highly likely can make a big difference in whether someone seeks help or not. Finally, remember that you can’t see if someone is dealing with a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder from just looking at them and that all mothers* and families in the perinatal period benefit from honest talk about PMADs.

Reduce shame.
It’s a sign of strength to reach out.
It’s not your fault.
This is not a reflection of your ability as a parent.

There is a lot of shame and stigma about mental health generally and mater*nal mental health specifically. In fact, the shame that is experienced can take longer to heal than the symptoms themselves. Many of those who dealing with PMADs feel like their mental health issue is a reflection of their ability to be a good parent and as if they are somehow to blame for what they are experiencing. We must consistently send the message that those who experience PMADs are not to blame and that their symptoms are the result of a mental health issue and not a reflection of their ability to be a good parent. Combatting the shame is part of helping those who are dealing or have dealt with PMADs heal.

While we might make mistakes here and there, it is possible to start practicing talking about PMADs with the people in our lives even if it feels uncomfortable or new. Plus, getting comfortable talking about PMADs doesn’t just help us or the people in our lives but has a spillover effect in which entire communities and societies can benefit. Social change might seem like a lofty goal but it’s an attainable one. . . one conversation at a time!