The Good Enough Parent: Interview with Psychologist Chloé Huth
Author: Johanna Tonn-Straavaldsen
We have had the absolute pleasure of partnering with Chloé Huth for an event in July 2020. Chloé is a psychologist with a private family practice, Parents of Berlin. As an international mother* herself, she understands the complexities of raising children outside of one’s cultural background and she incorporates this focus into her work.
Of the many skills Chloé brings to her profession, it’s her knack for capturing and breaking down the experience of guilt around mother*hood that makes her such an asset. Talking with her brings an opportunity for moms* to let go of our unrealistic expectations and instead tune in to what is really important. In this interview, Chloé shares a bit about her own path and why she thinks it’s necessary that we part with the idea of being a perfect mother*.
Hi Chloé, tell us about yourself and what brought you to start your private practice, Parents of Berlin.
I arrived in Berlin nearly 10 years ago. I used my skills to work in a software company to help them understand their target groups’ needs and expectations. This job felt very disconnected to my studies and my passion for Human Sciences, but I liked getting a different perspective. I got pregnant quickly, and after I gave birth to my first daughter, it became clear to me that I couldn't go back.
I rediscovered parenthood and child development from the inside, from my personal experience, far away from my university books. I was part of a few mothers*’ groups and I realized how our experiences were similar and at the same time very singular.
After my mater*nity leave I decided to first support parents with their children's sleep difficulties. I majored in pediatric sleep development and it felt obvious to me that it was a good starting point. You need to sleep to get through the challenges of your day, be available for your child, and enjoy yourself. It was the first step.
Now after a second child and more experience, it was time to support parents more globally in their self-growth, parenting style, and family structure. In February, I found a beautiful space in a green garden in the middle of Berlin to welcome parents and children.
What does your work with children and adults looks like? In what ways do you support parents? How do you help children?
I guide my clients on their parenting journey to more self-awareness so they can enjoy their role as a parent and create the family dynamic they desire. Parents need a community around them to support them. I am a part of this community. Moreover, the focus that I have on both child psychology and adult psychology allows the process to be deep and pragmatic at the same time.
Children are quick learners. I usually see them for very short periods of time. I work with them using what makes them feel comfortable, seen, and heard: drawing, constructions, role play and more. I also have a cute therapy dog always with me in the office who is a highlight for most of the children.
I have heard you say that addressing children's issues usually involves working with and supporting the parents. Tell us more about this.
Becoming a parent can trigger a lot of unhealed traumas or difficult experiences we have been through in our past. Most of the parents who come to me don't want to reproduce what hurt them when they were children. This is possible when you are healed and when you are conscious about your patterns and sore points. After awareness comes the capacity to act and not react which leads to more harmony for yourself and your relationships with the people around you. We can change our narratives and in that way change our lives. Our children are wonderful teachers when we know how to listen and let go.
You grew up in a multicultural and multilingual family. How did those experiences shape you, and how do you bring that into your work?
I feel very lucky for my rich background. It offered me the chance to have an early exposure to a beautiful variety of people, characters and cultures. It anchored me in curiosity and openness. These two qualities are central in the way I work every day. I also studied cross-cultural psychology to better understand the complexity of cultural background when it comes to human behaviors and mental processes.
What unique challenges do you feel that international mothers* experience living in Germany?
First I will say, being a parent away from one’s country, culture, family.... in one word, away from one’s roots, is a challenge in itself. More specifically a lot of parents which I work with are struggling with the health structure, daycare and cultural expectations of parents, especially mothers*, in Germany. The term "Raben Mutter*" is a good example of old cultural stigma on mothers*.
There is a lot of pressure on parents these days, especially mothers*. What do you say to mothers* who feel like they are struggling to keep up or aren't living up to their own idealized vision of mother*hood?
Just by asking yourself if you’re doing things right is a sign that you are already doing enough. I am lucky to work with parents who want to invest themselves, their time and their money into more harmony for their family. Questioning ourselves is the first step to growth and change.
I also like to refer to Donald Winnicott, who was a brilliant English pediatrician and psychoanalyst. He worked mostly on attachment style and developmental psychology, and developed a concept called "the good enough parent". We don't need to be perfect, we need to be good enough. Indeed, trying to be perfect is only saying to our children that perfection is the goal.
Thank you so much for your time, Chloé!
Thank you.